Kierkegaard Contradcitions?

Kierkegaard went through a lot of pain when he gave up his fiancée. He thought he was not suit to the life of a husband and a pastor. Although giving up the life of a pastor was easier than giving up his fiancée, it seems he really did not want to give up his fiancée at all. The readings say he was surprised when she became engaged to another man. It seems he believed God would give her back to him like Abraham was given back his son. It was as though despite what he wanted, he always though that she would be given back to him through divine means. I guess I'm not understanding what he really wanted. He did not think he was suit to the life of being a husband, but he was upset when she was engaged to another man and this contradiction confuses me. I suppose my question is what did he really want?